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       Joe Nickles wakes each morning at 5:00 a.m., efficiently performs his stretching exercises, showers quickly, then slowly rubs his secret scalp-glistening ointment along his forehead, across the shiny crown to his earlobes, and then back through the expansive baldness to his neck.  
     Joe first noticed the quarter-sized bald spot at age twenty-four. Never one to fight with nature, Joe promptly shaved his entire scalp and told folks this was required for the amateur water polo league. Little did he expect the romantic repercussions. What ladies might have previously described as a plain but kind face suddenly became deliciously attractive without the distraction of a mousy brown side-parted hairstyle. 
       His chin seemed so sharply etched, his noise perfectly sculpted, and his eyes sparkling in blueness. The new version of Joe a la Bald became West Brunnersville's most admired bachelor. 
       Now just one year away from the magic breakpoint of forty, Joe mixes a new batch of ointment. A potion of top-secret ingredients. 
      One-fifth aloe vera juice, grown by his neighbor Gregory VanHauser. A teaspoon of witch hazel. Lemon juice, oil of spearmint, rose hips crushed, liquified Vitamin A, and Erotomania sex lubricant. (This last ingredient he mail orders with enormous shyness. Don't you dare ask how he discovered the naughty product in the first place.)
      As he stirs together his potion, Joe dreams of entrepreneurship, of late-night infomercials, and of bald men united nationwide for the glory of smooth scalps. 

 
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