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|  Part One  |  Part Two  |  Part Three  |  Part Four  |  Part Five  |  Part Six  |  Direct Link to Eternal Bliss
        Past the witching hour in the cemetery on Spearmint Street, the Nocturnal Achievement Society gathers near dearly-departed Widow Hughes' mausoleum. Dear-departed Albert, once the beleagured custodian of the West Brunnersville elementary school, calls the meeting to order by crushing a beer car on a tombstone. 
     "Merry makers and frigid old bats, saints and sinners, newcomers and antiquities, heed my call." Albert throws a second beer can at a squawking crow before lighting up his pipe. The smoke exhales from his mouth, then his nostrils, and finally his earlobes until the graveyard fills with dense mist. 
       Dearly-departed Bradford J. Hughes the First cries out, "Let the shenanigans begin!" From the mist emerges the ghostly contingent, with little Rodney zipping forward on his transparent skateboard (hit last year by an automobile, entirely his own fault) and dear-departed Mildrid at the rear, clutching her walking stick and dragging three monstrous tote bags.
      These poor souls are trapped in the LimboLand, neither good enough for the Lord's place nor naughty enough for the firepit. 
      For four long decades, dearly-departed Mildrid yearned for the Blissful Region. But her attempts at ghostly good deeds invariably sour. So now she declares, "I'll be nasty, damn it."
      Just then, a modest tremor passes underground, setting the tombstones to shaking. "Double damn," barks Mildrid, impressed by her own power. The ground quakes. Mildrid considers the really bad words, settles on a modest one, and spits out the most vulgar word of her entire lifetime and deathtime.
     "Penis," she says with great satisfaction.  space space space space space space  CONTINUE

 
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